Check Out the Shit Lava

So yeah. I went there. I located this by way of my uncanny olfactory senses--which I'll tell you firsthand is a curse. Once located from a safe distance of about 20 feet I debated taking this photo but I realize that I've neglected you, my dear readers, for far too long.

So I manned up, attempted to prefocus my camera lens and went in for the quick shot.

Roughly 8 seconds after this was taken there was a dude bent over, clutching his stomach and dry-heaving a bit with about 8 people staring at him.

That guy was me.

Honestly? I was almost hoping that I'd puke on the street so that I could have a 2-in-1 opportunity. No such luck.

Enjoy the shit lava, my dear reader, enjoy.

The Horrid Puke Bake

You really don't realize just how much puke is out there, folks. It's everywhere--we just opt not to notice. I've trained my mind and honed my perceptual skills to, um, perceive these piles of gastric distress, however, and I'm getting quite good at it. Sometimes I can see a potential blog entry up to 200 meters away. True story.

Well, actually I could smell this one 200 meters away because it was baking.

Seeing that this was right outside of Downtown Freddy Brown's I'm guessing it was the Chicken Mushroom Casserole--which happened to be their special today.

Skittles, Puke and Blood

Honestly? I've no idea what this deplorable glop could be but it smelled like Skittles, puke and blood and was found in front my favorite halfway house on Couch. Maybe someone puked up a skinned mouse. The worst part is that I had to go back and get a 2nd closeup shot of it because I fat-fingered the first one.

Oh, the lengths at which I go for my adoring audience.

And yeah, this has grey hair in it, too.

Too Drunk to Chew their Chicken Strips

This was beyond gross and was a severe test of my fortitude and endurance. You should Paypal me some money for the second shot alone. Look how close I got!

This is a clear cut case of someone being too drunk to chew but not drunk enough to get themselves out of sight to puke. Be honest now, we've all been there.

You can see another galaxy in this shit of a bird

This picture of rather mundane bird shit actually makes a nice desktop. HAVE AT IT.

House of Louie?

Well yeah, of course it's a dead ratbird--or what's left of a dead ratbird, rather. Thing is, it has a particular resemblance to House of Louie's lunch special #47. Just sayin'.

Thanks to Malisams for this one.

Dried Shit Waffle

OK there are clearly two separate shit clumps that have been collected into one stamped mess here and for the life of me I can't figure out how that could happen unintentionally.

Also of particular interest is the long grey hair in the upper right corner.

This was vile--even for the Max tracks under the Burnside Bridge.

Don't Order the Gin Omelette

This little gem was found at about 8am within 10 feet of a little bamboo clump completely out of everyone's way but the creator preferred the walkway instead.

Rain Can't Wash This Away Fast Enough

Granted, this particular stretch of sidewalk is more often than not devoid of pedestrian traffic and therefore offers relative seclusion, why not bless the bushes a mere 5 feet away with such foulness?

The terrible thing here is it's just not readily apparent which end of the unfortunate soul this was expelled from.

I know you want to see it in hi-resolution. Click the image already.

The Ziploc Shit Sack

Found near 2nd and Couch.