A Steady Diet of Dinty Moore Stew and Heroin

I don't know how many more entries I'll do with the subject matter of shit but, seriously, what am I supposed to do when they find me? Ignore them? I can't. I owe you to report the disgusting and I can't show a blatant partiality to vomit or I'll be labeled as an anti-fecalist.

Interesting sidenote: as I was gathering my strength to get close enough to take this picture a couple of guys were walking by with pizza slices unaware of the evil that lurked in the stoop mere feet from them.

Me: "hey guys, check that out."
Guy #1: "DUDE. What the ****, dude."
Guy #2: "...did you do that?"

Everyone is a comedian.

Go ahead and click for the hi res version. I know you will.

I know it.

See? I win.

Christmas just changes everything, doesn't it?

Another user submission! Yes! Thanks Mutz/Malisams and everyone else who informed me about it.

Have you ever seen such jolly vomit? What do y'all think this is made up of? I have some guesses and they all contain cranberries, but I'm really, really, trying to work in the phrase 'too much Christmas Blood Loaf' but sadly I just can't.

When one co-worker asked about the feathers, another who witnessed it first hand replied, "the pigeons were eating it". I saw the physical wave of illness pass over his face and it was then that fully realized what I'm doing with this blog is right.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas.

Frozen Blood Puke

I love my co-workers. Annie tipped me off to 'two pukes outside of the Fox and Hounds' so I hurried over, got a quick couple of shots off and bam! Here we are again. Disgusted, confused, perhaps fascinated.

I asked ChrisA which shot I should use and was instead told, "You have a strange hobby". Clearly, he was trying to tell me "use them both".

See? I listen.

It's Frozen, Folks

Awesome. Another user submission! Thanks, Paul!

So what do we have here? We're currently in a pretty killer cold snap in Portland and it hasn't been above freezing in days. This, clearly, made it easier for our photographer to snap this photo for me. But, and my dear readers will have undoubtedly noticed already, he clearly didn't get as close and yours truly would have.

But! We have our first frozen entry! Or entries, assuming that's pee.

A few minutes earlier and we could have had a steam. Alas.

The Shit Sack is a Global Phenomenon

No, I'm not naive enough to think that only Portland residents in the Old Town District were partial to defecation in plastic bags and leaving the results in plain view for everyone, but I have to admit I was surprised and delighted to get an international version of this phenomenon by user submission today. From Argentina!

It made my day. Thanks, N!

In this stunning example we have a particularly hi res sample of the Ol' Classic Shit Sack in a curious aquatic form. The surrounding flower petals are a nice contrasting touch and another interesting detail I'm loathe to let you miss is the condensation on the inside of the bag. Rad.

Go ahead, click to hi res that bad boy.

Nappy Chones

So here we are presented with what was described upon submission as "Nappy Chones". (thanks R. Summers!) I don't even really know what that means but it's as awesome as this is gross. Seemingly what we have here is a pair of women's underwear so filthy and foul that the former wearer would rather go without than don them any longer. And if you look at the hi res photo, and I know you will, you just might see why.

Shudder.

If you look closely on most of my submissions you will find hair in the photos and surprisingly this one appears to be bereft of any. It would have taken the cake if it had.

Reader submissions are go! Got something for the blog? Send me a message with your photo and any relevant information and I'll make it happen. Just make sure it's revolting.

Would you care to explain this?

Look. I can't explain this and I won't even attempt to. But I do know that it's disgusting and completely unfit for even the sidewalks of Old Town. I didn't have dry heaves while taking this photo as with the Shit Lava but I was never so thankful for antibacterial soap and Purell afterward. In truth,, I was laughing a lot.

But it's confusing. Was this the aftermath of some crazy street sex act? Drug trafficking with a fun and creative twist?

What. Happened. Here.

Check Out the Shit Lava

So yeah. I went there. I located this by way of my uncanny olfactory senses--which I'll tell you firsthand is a curse. Once located from a safe distance of about 20 feet I debated taking this photo but I realize that I've neglected you, my dear readers, for far too long.

So I manned up, attempted to prefocus my camera lens and went in for the quick shot.

Roughly 8 seconds after this was taken there was a dude bent over, clutching his stomach and dry-heaving a bit with about 8 people staring at him.

That guy was me.

Honestly? I was almost hoping that I'd puke on the street so that I could have a 2-in-1 opportunity. No such luck.

Enjoy the shit lava, my dear reader, enjoy.

The Horrid Puke Bake

You really don't realize just how much puke is out there, folks. It's everywhere--we just opt not to notice. I've trained my mind and honed my perceptual skills to, um, perceive these piles of gastric distress, however, and I'm getting quite good at it. Sometimes I can see a potential blog entry up to 200 meters away. True story.

Well, actually I could smell this one 200 meters away because it was baking.

Seeing that this was right outside of Downtown Freddy Brown's I'm guessing it was the Chicken Mushroom Casserole--which happened to be their special today.

Skittles, Puke and Blood

Honestly? I've no idea what this deplorable glop could be but it smelled like Skittles, puke and blood and was found in front my favorite halfway house on Couch. Maybe someone puked up a skinned mouse. The worst part is that I had to go back and get a 2nd closeup shot of it because I fat-fingered the first one.

Oh, the lengths at which I go for my adoring audience.

And yeah, this has grey hair in it, too.